Updates

How do you like the new skin of my blog?It's cool isn't it?

Life seems to be very easy right now here in the new department.Maybe because since I am new here, they did not give my that much workload.Plus I am no longer taking calls,so I am soo happy.I am only completing a few deliverables every day.Thanks also for free the internet connection because I can blog here.Hehe.Next week will be a very stressful week since I have to meet the goal for auditing uploads, audits and what have you's.I think I have adjusted already here.I never had any hard time getting along with my new workmates.

Mas pipiliin ko pa rin ang ginagawa ko ngayon kesa sa dati kong trabaho na wala yatang araw na hindi uminit ang ulo dahil sa mga pasaway na customers.Now I can breathe again.

Wala ako gaanong maisip na isulat ngayon so random thoughts na lang muna.
---

Picture credit from: http://digitalphotographer.com.ph/forum/showthread.php?t=8762

Congratulations to UP Pep squad,for being the champion in this year's University Athletic Association of the Philippines (UAAP) Cheerdance Competition which was held at the Araneta Coliseum, September 16.
Next year manonood na ko nito sa big dome.I am not really a fan of this cheerdance contest pero naaliw ako nung napanood ko siya last sunday.Mas masaya siguro kung kasama ang school ko nung college sa UAAP.Haha.

---

Picture taken from: www.biographyonline.net

I have been watching some of Audrey hepburn's classic movies (Sabrina, Roman Holiday,Children Hour etc).I first saw her in Breakfast in Tiffany's and from then I became a fan.Nakakaaliw siya.She never fails to amaze me with her charm and timeless elegance.She is truly a beauty and fashion icon in the real sense of the word.
---
There have been a lot of realization and drama in my life lately.As in HEAVY DRAMA. But I'd rather not talk about it now.Nakakapagod din pala ang masyadong madramang buhay.Sana nga hindi na lang ako ganoon kaemosyonal.Kaya kahit dito lang sa blog ko hayaan niyo na lang akong sumigaw at magmura : "TANGINA.GUSTO KO RING MAGING MASAYA."

Haha.Thanks.I now,I feel much better.

Rereading Eleven Minutes

Let me post some of the beautiful quotes from this must read book. Hopefully, i will remember them.

"Anyone who has lost something they thought was theirs forever finally comes to realise that nothing really belongs to them. And if nothing belongs to me, then there's no point wasting time looking after things that aren't mine; its best to live as if today was the first (or last) day of my life."

"I can choose either to be a victim of the world or an adventurer in search of treasure. It's all a question of how I view my life."

"Some people were born to face life alone, and this is neither good or bad, its simply life."- "But life was teaching her - very fast - that only the strong survive. To be strong, she must be the best, there's no alternative".

"I'm not a body with a soul, I'm a soul that has a visible part called body."

"A man doesn't prove he's a man by getting an erection. He's only a real man if he can pleasure a woman. And if he can pleasure a prostitue, he'll think he's the best lover on the block."

"... but there's always one woman who frightens them (men) and forces them to submit to her caprices." (Maria, wondering how all her clients seem to be 'afraid')

"Eleven minutes. The world revolved around something that only took eleven minutes." (The accompanying para is amazing, its too long to type though)

"Human beings can withstand a week without water, two weeks without food, many years of homelessness, but not loneliness. Its the worst of all tortures, the worst of all sufferings."

"That is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it."

"Love is not to be found in someone else, but in ourselves; we simply awaken it. But in order to do that, we need the other person. The universe only makes sense when we have someone to share our feelings with."

"Passion makes a person stop eating, sleeping, working, feeling at peace. A lot of people are frightened because, when it appears, it demolishes all the old things it finds in its path."

"Each day I choose the truth which I try to live. I try to be practical, efficient, professional. But I would like to be able always to choose desire as my companion. Not out of obligation, not to lessen my loneliness, but because its good. Very good."

"If you want to achieve your objectives, you have to be prepared for a daily dose of pain or discomfort. At first, its unpleasant and demotivating, but in time you come to realise that it's a part of the process of feeling good, and the moment arrives when, if you don't feel pain, you have a sense that exercises aren't having the desired effect." (As true as it can be, this is the hardest thing!)-

"Oh, so you want to think that, do you? All right then, do what you like, while I get on with more important things." (Maria, to herself, when her heart complained about the absence of her love)

"The art of sex is the art of controlled abandon."- "..., it's (pain) a very powerful drug. Its in our daily lives, in our hidden suffering, in the sacrifices we make, blaming love for the destruction of our dreams. Pain is frightening when it shows its real face, but its seductive when it comes disguised as sacrifice or self denial. Or cowardice. However much we may reject it , we human beings always find a way of being with pain, or flirting with it and making it a part of our lives."

"Pain and suffering are used to justify the one thing that brings only joy: love."

"No one around me is happy; the clients know that they are paying for something that should be free, and thats depressing. The women know that they have to sell something which they would like to give out of pleasure and affection, and that is destructive." (Maria, in a diary entry).

"Life is too short, or too long, to allow myself the luxury of living it so badly."

"In all languages in the world, there's the same proverb: "What the eyes don't see, the heart doesn't grieve over". Well, I say there isn't an ounce of truth in it. The further off they are, the closer to the heart are all those feelings we try to repress and forget. If we are in exile, we want to store away every tiny memory of our roots. If we're far from the person we love, everyone we pass in the street reminds us of them." (Maria, quoting a priest in her diary).- "Its odd how, when you live in a city, you always postpone getting to know it and usually end up never knowing it at all."

Sa wakas

I will be part of the Quality Monitoring team starting today.I am actually excited since I will work with a different department but at the same time, I am quite sad since I have to leave my team.But I have to move on,this change is something I need to accept in order for me to grow professionally.

Looking back, I felt that everything happened so fast. I remember how upset I was because I did not get the schedule that i wanted a month ago.I was disappointed because I know my place in the team.I was one of the top performers.I don't have any late nor absences on the previous month.I felt that what my co-employess used to tell me is probably true,that the best people in this company are never being rewarded or recognized no matter how much effort they give.

I was crying while I was composing my resignation letter.I have been working here for about three years.Most people are complaining about the salary, the management and the lack of opportunity for growth.But I decided to stay.Now just like them I have to leave to find a place where I think I will not only grow but will also be happy and fulfilled.Most of my teammates were actually surprised about my decision.I am the employee who is most unlikely to resign.I always tell them I am happy and there is no reason to leave the company.

I think that is one of the most difficult decisions I made in my life.I passed my resignation letter.I was given a week to think if I should retract it or not.I was being emotional that time and if my heart will be the one to decide about it, it will say I should go.But I listened to my mind.I retract the resignation letter before the effectivity date.

A friend accompanied me to a church in which he said is miraculous.My folks used to tell me that if it was your first time to see the church, you have to make a wish.I told God that if there's a miracle I wanted to see in my life, it will be a change in direction in my career life and my relationships with other people. I don't know if it's just mere coincedence but one of my wishes actually came into reality.
A week after , a party was organized by the program to recognize the top performing agents .I was one of the few people who have been recognized.That made my team captain encouraged me to apply for the Quality assurance analyst position.That also made me realized that the effort I gave were actually not left in vain.To make the long story short, I passed the screening and I will be working for the QA department starting today.

I remember my interview with the manager of the department.One of his questions was, what took me so long for apply in the position.For lack of sensible answer I told him what my friend told me about waiting for the perfect time. I said,there is grace in waiting.I could not understand that concept before.

Now it all makes a lot of sense.

another drama episode

To you,

I hope everything's doing good on your end.I hardly slept this morning after that talk we had.Well to tell you,its been like that for a week.I tried to pretend I am ok thinking that I can handle this but the truth is what I am going through right now is not easy.I still don't know what to think, I am still clueless how to deal with this.

You said you are confused.That there have been a lot of realizations lately about yourself.That it was only recently that you've learned that your being inconsistent about your feelings will just bring me a lot of heartache.You also told me that you are bombarded with a lot of problems-about your family, your work and then me.I am pretty sure they're giving you a lot of headaches and pressure.And I know its not easy either.

I wanted to tell you that I am somehow disappointed for your insensitivity and for not trusting me when I wanted to share your pain in times that you're really down.I also hate it when you keep everything to your self and not telling me things that I need to know.I remember you said one time that you are willing to share your life with me.I also wanted to do the same to you.I want to be there for you anytime.I want to share not only your joy,dreams and passion but your trouble, your fears and pain.I always wanted to be the one who makes you smile,who pushes you to the top to be the best of what you can be and symphatize with your needs.In my prayers I am asking God to give me a chance to to be at your side and to grow with you.

Please dont assume that I already know how you feel.It was you who said that I don't know you that much.We have an agreement that if there will come a time that any of us does not want to continue whatever we have right now, we'll tell each other right away.I am begging for your honesty.If it takes letting you go for a while, I'll do that. I will not pretend I'm not hurting, because I am.I have accepted a long time ago that the moment you love someone you have given him the capacity to hurt you, that how much you hurt is equal to how much you have loved, that getting hurt is proportionate to having too many expectations.

I am not asking you to change for me.All I am asking is for you to have a little faith and respect in me.No one has the right to tell you to change.You have the solid dominion over your own feelings and nobody, even myself, has the right to trample on it. I respect you're entirety and that includes whatever is in your mind, soul and heart.

I may not be ok right now but no worries, no pressure. I'll be fine and alright in another sunny day.We are still cool and I’m looking forward to seeing you again.I wanted to talk, clear things up once and for all.

Wherever life may lead us from here,I will say good luck to both of us.

Missing my old bloggie

Forget about the new blog.i will still post here.hehe.

I love Imago

I am really impressed with Imago's musicality and song writing.I accidentally listened to their song while boarding a bus going to work.From then, I started to listen to some of their songs.Astig ito,yun lang masasabi ko.Now they will be be one of my favorite bands, next to my all time fave, Eheads.Three of my friends commented that i look like Zach daw, Imago's drummer.He is probably goodlooking,i said.Haha.
Here's their newest video Sundo from their album Blush.Feeling ko videojock ako ng Myx.Enjoy!

ISANG LIHAM PARA SA DATING MINAHAL

ISANG LIHAM PARA SA DATING MINAHAL

Kumusta ka na?

Hindi ko maipaliwanag sa kabila ng pagod at sa haba ng araw na ito ay naalala kitang bigla.Kung bakit kasi naisipan kong hanapin ang profile mo sa friendster kanina.Ang totoo,noon ko pa siya nakita pero takot akong iinvite ka.Baka mareject lang ang invitation ko.Baka kasi hindi mo na ko kilala.Sabagay anim na taon na ang nakararaan ng huli tayong magkita.Napakarami ng nagbago.Napakarami ko na ring pinagdaanang relasyon at alam kong ikaw rin.Pero sadya yatang hirap ako na limutin ka.

Nilakasan ko ang loob ko.Binuksan ko ang profile mo at ininvite kita.Nagpadala pa nga ako ng message sa iyo.Ang sabi ko : "Hi kumusta na? ____,si ____ ito,nagmeet tayo nung 3rd year college tayo.Sana naalala mo pa.Kung hindi mo na ko matandaan, sana maalala mo ako sa mga bagay na babanggitin ko : purple valentines card,green scrapbook,Lord of the Rings,Forevermore,Tapsilog,Intramuros at Circle.Ayan,sana maalala mo."

Wala namang may kasalanan kung bakit nagkahiwalay tayong dalawa.Parehas tayong mga bata pa noon.Parehas na wala pang karanasan sa pagkakaroon ng ganitong klaseng relasyon.Siguro ako ang sinisisi mo kaya tayo nagkahiwalay.Hindi kasi kita naipaglaban.Masyado ding naging makitid ang utak ko.

Nakakatawa ang pagkakakilala natin.Birthday ko noon.Pagkaalis ng mga bisita ko pagkatapos namin maginuman sa bahay ay binuksan ko ang telebisyon.Naaliw ako sa music video na palabas,sa ilalim ng screen ay may mga messages ng mga taong bumabati sa kaibigan,mga nagrerequest ng video at may ilan din namang naghahanap ng textmates.Bagama't hilo na ko sa ininom na alkohol ay nakuha ko pa rin ang numero ng cellphone mo na napakabilis na ipinakita sa screen.

Nagsimula ang lahat sa simpleng "ASL" na pinadala ko sa iyo.Noong una, iniisip ko na parehas lang tayong mga bored ng panahong iyon.Naghahanap ng pampalipas oras.Ng mapagkakabalahan.Pero may kung ano ka yatang angking gayuma at bigla naging interesado ako sa iyo.Nagsimula ang pagpapalitan ng text messages.Ang mga text ay nasundan ng mga paguusap sa telepono.Bigla kong naalala ngayon, kung paano akong laging nakabantay sa telepono at nakikipagunahang sumagot sa mga kapatid ko sa pagaakalang ikaw ang tumatawag.Naalala ko rin ng minsan muntik mahulog sa timba ng tubig o inodoro ang cellphone ko dahil dinadala ko ito kahit pagpunta sa banyo.Naaalala ko rin kung paanong lagi akong inaasar ng mga kaibigan ko dahil kakaiba daw ang ngiti ko kapag nakakatanggap ng text message mula sa iyo.

Pagkatapos ng ilang linggong paguusap sa text at sa telepono,nagpasya tayong kitain ang isa't isa.Maaga akong dumating sa napagusapang lugar.Bagama't hindi ikaw ang unang taong nakaeyeball ko ay napakalakas pa rin ng kaba ko sa dibdib.Marahil sadyang natatakot lang ako sa rejection.Maaaring takot lang ako na madisappoint ka.At maaring takot din ako na hindi natin magustuhan ang isa't isa sa pagkikitang ito.

Habang sinusundan ko ng tingin ang mga taong nandoon na may suot na kulay itim na t-shirt na sabi mo'y suot mo, ay biglang tumunog ang cellphone ko.Tumatawag ka.Ang sabi mo nakababa ka na ng taxi.Alam kong ikaw ang namataan ko ilang metro mula sa kinatatayuan ko.Natatawa ako dahil napakalapit na natin sa isat isa pero magkausap pa tayo sa cellphone.Kumaway ka.Nakangiti,naimagine ko na sa mga paguusap natin ang mga ngiting iyon.Pinatay mo ang cellphone mo,lumapit ka sa akin.Kabado pa rin ako habang nakikipagkamay sa iyo.Tumingin ako sa mga mata mo.Sabi nila sa mga mata mo mababasa kung masaya ang isang tao.At nakita sa mga matang iyon na masaya ka.

Doon nagsimula ang ilan sa pinakamasayang araw sa buhay ko.Hindi ako magaling sa paglalarawan ng nararamdaman pero alam kung ng mga panahong iyon, ang nararamdaman ko ay isa sa pinakamasarap na naramdaman ko sa buong buhay ko.

Paano nga ba kita malilimot.Eh lubhang napakaraming bagay ang nagpapaalala sa akin sa iyo.

Natatandaan mo ba kung paanong wala tayong pakialam na magkahawak ng kamay sa loob ng MRT? Naririnig mo pa ba ang lakas ng mga halakhakan natin kapag magkasama tayo?Natatandaan mo ba ang mga hitsura ng mukha natin ng parehas tayong nasorpresa dahil parehas ang nabili nating valentine's card? Ang paulitulit at walang sawa nating pagpatugtog ng Forevermore ng Side A kapag nakatambay tayo sa bahay niyo.Ang pagtambay natin sa Circle pagkatapos manood ng sine sa Annex.Ang stargazing na madalas nating gawin sa pader ng Intramuros pagkatapos ng klase ko.

Sana natatandaan mo ang mga iyon kasi ako natatandaan ko pa.

Pero hindi lahat ng alaala natin na natatandaan ko ay maganda.Hindi lahat ng araw ay naging masaya at madali para sa atin.

Ang sabi nila kapag nagmahal ka makikita kaagad ng iba.Magiging maganda ang lahat ng pangyayari,ngunit ang sa atin ay iba.Dumating sa punto na napabayaan ko na ang pagaaral ko para lang makita ka.At ikaw din naman,madalas ka din hindi pumasok sa ibang klase mo dahil ayaw mo na madisappoint ako kapag nangako ka na magkikita tayo.Nakakagalitan na tayo ng mga magulang natin dahil sa pagiging iresponsable.

Madalas din ay nababalewala ko ang nararamdaman mo.madalas mong sabihin na mahal mo ako.Pero ang lagi kong sinasabi ay napakamushy mo o kaya naman kapag naglalambing ka ay nasasabi ko na napakakorni mo.

Masyado ako noong nasanay na laging nandiyan ka.Masyado akong naging dependent sa iyo.Nagtatampo kaagad ako kapag hindi ka nakakasagot agad sa text at o nakakatawag gayung reasonable naman ang dahilan mo.Lumabas ang insecurities ko at masyado akong naging demanding at seloso.naging maikli ang pasensiya ko at lagi akong inaatake ng pagdududa.May mga ilang pagkakataon din na nagaway tayo dahil sabi mo sobrang nasasakal ka na.Sa maniwala ka at sa hindi,Sa iyo umikot ang mundo ko.

Naging pasensiyoso ka noong una.May mga compromise ka ding ginawa.-nagbigay ka,umuunawa, nagpapatawad.Ako nama'y tanggap lang ng tanggap.Pero paulit ulit pa ring ginawa ang mga bagay na hindi pinagkakasunduan.Pero sabi nga ng matatanda, napupuno din ang salop.Hanggang hindi mo na nakaya ang immaturity ko at biglang naging malamig ka na lang.

Ilang araw tayong hindi nagusap.Bigla na lang idinahilan mo na inatake ka ng trangkaso at hirap ka na gumamit ng cellphone at telepono.Noong una ay naniwala ako.Hanggang ang araw na hindi nating pagkikita at paguusap ay naging linggo at ang linggo ay naging buwan.

Takot akong ibaba ang pride ko sa iyo.Kahit kabisado ko pa ang cell number mo,landline at kahit email.wala akong ginawang paraan para makipagayos sa iyo.Nagulat na lang ako minsan ng buksan ko ang inbox ng email ko at nakita ko ang pangalan mo.Ang sabi mo namimiss mo na ako.Humihingi ka ng sorry at sinabi mong napabayaan mo ako.Humihingi ka ng isa pang pagkakataon para ibalik ang dati.Naglakip ka pa nga litrato nating dalawa sa email na iyon.

Naging matigas ang puso ko.Inisip ko na kung nakaya mong tiisin ako ng matagal ay kayang kaya ko ring gawin yun.Nakipagdate ako sa iba.Inakala kong iyon ang sagot para malimutan ka.Ang mga sumunod kong mga naging karelasyon ay naging napakaikli lamang.Hindi ko alam, hinahanap kong lagi sa kanila ang mga katangiang nakita ko sa iyo.

Hanggang sa napagod ako at ipinasya ko na maging single na lang.Walang gaanong komplikasyon.Walang responsibilidad.sa loob ng dalawang taon, naging single ako.

Sa maraming pagkakataon kapag magisa ako ay naiisip kita.Kung kumusta ka na ba,kung masaya ka ba? kung may natagpuan ka na ba na taong magpapasaya sa iyo?Kung kahit minsan ba ay naisip mo ako.Angtagal kong niloko ang sarili ko na hindi ka importante sa akin.Pero pagod na ko magpanggap,tanggap ko na ang katotohanan na malaki ang naibahagi mo sa buhay ko.

Sana makita mo kung ano na ako ngayon.Pagkatapos ng anim na taon,maipagmamalaki ko sa iyo na malaki na ang ipinagbago ko.Marami kang naituro at binago sa akin.

Ikaw ang nagturo sa akin na pahalagahan ang mga taong mahal mo at nagmamahal sa iyo.Wala nang pangalawang pagkakataon na ibibigay sa atin na makita pang muli kung sakaling mawala sila.

Ikaw din ang nagturo sa akin wag matakot masaktan at wag mapagod magmahal.Kapag bumagsak at nadapa, matutong bumangon.Kahit pa nakaluhod ka na lang at hindi mo na kayang tumayo, ang mahalaga ay pinilit mo.Ang mahalaga ay sumubok ka.

Pero parang malabo na yatang mangyari na makita mo ang mga iyon.Siguro nga mahihirapan akong limutin ka.Siguro nga patuloy akong babagabagin ng pagsisisi na sana'y nagawa kitang ipaglaban noon.

Minsan,napanaginipan kita.Nakangiti ka sa akin habang sinasabi wag akong malungkot.Nagising na lang akong umiiyak.

Marahil tama ka nga.Hindi ako dapat malungkot.Sapagkat nagampanan mo na kung anuman ang dapat maging papel mo sa buhay ko.Na dumating ka para baguhin ito.Na kailangan mo ring umalis at iwan ako.Na kailangan kong huminto na lang at sumuko sa paghihintay sa iyo.

Pero patawarin mo ako dahil hindi ko kaya.Patawarin mo ako dahil gumawa uli ako ng paraan para muling dugtungan pa kung saan man naputol ang lahat.

Mamaya, magoonline ako.Titignan ko kung tinanggap mo ang invitation ko.