suicide note?

I found this scribbled on one of my journal notebooks.I wrote this last February just when I was about to commit suicide, just kidding.hehe.Just one of those days,when I was really really bored and tired of my life.Writing is really a good outlet for your frustrations and feelings especially when you feel like life is getting monotonous.Writing is also a theraphy for a tired soul.

Starbucks

Borol NLEX

February 25, 2006

Sabi ko gusto ko mag-isip pero hindi ako makapagisip.Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sisimulan ang pagpaplano ng buhay ko.Bakit kasi dapat ganito kakomplikado?

Sana madali lang baguhin ang lahat.Sana pagising ko kinabukasan wala na lahat ng alaala ng panget na kahapon.Sana manhid na rin ang puso namakaramdam ng hiya, ng takot.sana ang simula ng bawat araw ay puno ng saya, ng sigla at ng pag-asa.

Kung iisipin, nakakapagod ding tapusin ang bawat araw ng buhay.Lalo pa't tila walang mahalagang bagay ang nagaganap sa iyo.Ang lahat ay ordinaryo at paulit-ulit lamang.Pero minsan, magugulat ka na lamang dahil bibiglain ka ng pangamba, ng isang malaki at nakakagulat na sorpresa.ganun nga siguro ang buhay.

Minsan gusto mong sumigaw, gusto mong humiyaw.Ngunit walang tinig na maririnig mula sa iyo.Minsan naman'y gusto mong paglaruan ang buhay.Gusto mong ipakita na matapang ka, na kaya mong maging katulad ng iba.Minsan pipilitin mong baguhin ang dating gawi, sa pagaakalang iyon ang makakapagpabago ng lahat at makakapagpasaya sa iyo.Pero bago ka matulog,bago mo ipikit ang mga mata mong pagod na rin, naisip mong bigo ka pa rin.Bigo ka pa rin sa kabila ng pagsusumikap mong baguhin ang lahat.

Sana nga pwede pang tumakas ang katotohanan na nasa harap mo.Sana dalawin ka ng panandaliang kabaliwan nang sa ganun ay malimot mo ang lahat.

Sana manumbalik ang dati.Sana maniwala ka na may kabutihan at pag-ibig na natitira pa sa mundo.Sana bumalik 'yung dati na nanapapangiti ka at napapatawa sa napakasimpleng bagay.Sana gaya ng dati, may sagot ka kahit sa pinakakomplikadong tanong.Sana matutuhan mong makamit ang gusto ng hindi nakakasagasa ng iba.Sana makasulat ka muli ng tula o ng kuwento ng buhay mo, gumuhit ng larawan,umawit kahit pa wala sa tono, makipagusap kahit sa di kakilala at makinig sa mga kuwento nila.Sana muling maramdaman muli ang init ng araw,makaligo sa ulan,maramdaman ang malamig na simoy ng hangin at makita na maganda ang luntiang paligid.Sana muling makita ang dating kaibigan,makipaglaro sa mga bata, magbahagi ng kaalaman at alalahanin ang magagandang nangyari kahapon.

Sana...sana hindi na ganun kakomplikado ang lahat.
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Ang drama noh?hehe.When i wrote this i tried to convince myself that life is still beautiful depite all the pain and trials it bring.

My Past Life Diagnosis

This is interesting.

Your past life diagnosis: From http://www.thebigview.com/pastlife/index.html

I don't know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern South China around the year 1225. Your profession was that of a shepherd, horseman or forester.

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:

Revolutionary type. You inspired changes in any sphere - politics, business, religion, housekeeping. You could have been a leader.

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:You are bound to solve problems of pollution of environment, recycling, misuse of raw materials, elimination of radioactivity by all means including psychological methods.

Do you remember now?

movie marathon

THE LAKE HOUSE

I watched the movie the other night at the market market cinema. I have seen the Original version of the movie (Il Marie).I hate to compare the American with the Korean version because it is given na iba talaga ang original.But I cant help it.Mas maganda talaga 'yung story line nung girl sa il mare, kesa dun sa lakehouse.I think hindi maganda yung pagfollowthrough nila ng events given the consequences with knowing past and future.Ang daming questionable part ng plot.'Yung ibang friends ko na nakapanood, sa una daw hindi nila magets ung kuwento.Although I think may chemistry si keanu Reeves and sandra Bullock,kulang 'yung kilig factor ng movie.Basing from what I felt after watching Il mare.I like the soundtrack though and that part where sandra and keannu were dancing then they kissed.I will still recommend you to watch this feel good movie.

My rating: 6/10


DVD Marathon

last week naman I watched three movies on DVD - The Little Chinese seamstress, memoirs of Geisha and Pasiyam.So here are my review.

THE LITTLE CHINESE SEAMSTRESS

Maganda ang plot, although hindi kami close ni mao,balzac at Mozart at hindi ako makarelate sa mga komunismo na binabanggit sa movie,para sakin epektibo ang paghahatid ng mensahe ng pelikula tungkol sa edukasyon at liberalismo.The movie tackles about the liberating power of books,western novels in particular.Para sakin astig ang mga ganitong klaseng pelikula na may laman na kaunting history.

I dunno pero bigla kong naisip yung old Tagalog movie na Virgin people.Siguro dahil yung pagkakahawig ng karakter ng bidang babae na inosente tapos biglang nagrebelde nung nakapakinig siya ng liberal ideas dahil sa mga binabasa sa kanyang libro.Alam ko walang sense ang pinagsasasabi ko pero panoorin niyo ito.
My rating: 7/10




MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA
I thought the movie is in japanese with english subtitle pero nagulat ako dahil nagsasalita ng English ang mga characters.Sana it was in japanese na lang kasi I think the fact that, with none of them being native English speakers, some characters never came across fluidly, may parang language barrier.Sa palagay ko lang mas maidedeliver ng maganda ang mga lines if it was said on their native tongue.I heard this was based on a book so i was expecting na maganda yung movie adaptation niya.I was not disappointed.I enjoyed watching it.
Magagaling ang mga artistang gumanap sa pelikula like Michelle yeoh and also yung bidang batang babae sa simula ng pelikula.Most of the actors naman did a great job when it comes to acting.The pacing and story is good.The cinematography is ok and the setting, makikita mo talaga ung culture ng japanese.So overall this movie is worth watching.
My rating: 7/10



The movie is okay,the visuals and cinematographywise.Magaling na direktor si Eric matti.And magaling din na artista si Roderick paulate.There were scenes that are scary and disturbing but there was too much dialogue when the visuals should've been explanation enough.Ayoko ng ganung movies na puro salita, if I want that di sana nagbasa na lang ako ng libro.Inantok na ako bago matapos ang pelikula.

My rating : 4/10

happy father's day

DANCE WITH MY FATHER
LUTHER VAN DROSS

Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around ‘til I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
How I’d love, love, love
To dance with my father again
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way, I would run from her to him
He’d make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me
If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
‘Cause I’d love, love, love
To dance with my father again
Sometimes I’d listen outside her door
And I’d hear how my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
I know I’m praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don’t do it usually
But dear Lord she’s dying
To dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream


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Happy father's day to all the dad esp to my Tatay+...I miss you 'tay.

june blahs

Hello world!I know its been quite a while since I last updated my blog.Our IT Admin prohibited browsing of some blog sites at the office.They also blocked yahoomail, pinoyexchange,friendster and meebo plus all those nice websites that I often visited.So I can only view blogs of my friends if at home or I am going to rent a PC in an internet shop.That will explain why I can't update my blog these days.

Also I think I have lost my urge to write, for quite a while at least.

Maraming nangyari sa akin na gusto kong isulat pero hindi ko lam kung saan magsisimula.

Random thoughts na lang uli.I'll just tell u kung ano yung pumasok sa utak ko ngayon.

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I did apply for QA and Team leader two weeks ago, unfortunately I was not accepted.Probably its not yet time,I am not yet ready yet for the bigger responsibilities these positions will require.Of course at first I feel bad about it, most especially that QA position since I have been eyeing for that position since I have been promoted as escalation agent.maybe its not really for me.but being "rejected" or booted out for the position made me realized that I will need to work harder.And its a good thing na rin dahil I dont wanna leave my team.
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I am not into a romantic relationship for a year now.Honestly,I miss the feeling.Pero I realized na pag hinahanap mo pala (someone special) mas lalo kang pahihirapan na makita siya.Or kung may makita ka man, hindi nakikisama ang pagkakataon sa'yo, (maaring committed na rin siya or inlove siya sa iba).
Masyado na nga ba akong nagiging mapili at maraming hinahanap sa isang tao?Or nagiingat lang ako and I am just making sure na if ever I will have a relationship I really love the person?
nagmamature na nga siguro ako.hehe.
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I mentioned on my previous post that I am taking this chinese drug to gain weight.After consuming a bottle of it,nakita ko na effects sa katawan ko.medyo tumaba na mukha ko at lumaki rin ang tiyan ko.at nagkaroon ng pimples ang katawan ko hehe.ganda ng effect no?According to those who tried the drug, normal lang daw yun.Ako naman kasi desperado na tumaba kaya ok lang sa akinna hindi proportional yung pagtaba ko.siguro kailangang sabayan ng paggygym.I might start going to the gym this month.Sana hindi ako tamarin.
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Talking about katamaran.

Signs na sobrang tinatatamad ako lately.

*Pagkatapos ng shift ko matutulog sa snooze box sa office, kain tapos uuwi sa apartment para matulog uli.basta may pagkakataon matutulog ako.

*Dati naglalaba ako ng damit ko, ngaun nagpapalaba na uli ako.

*I chose a weekend shift schedule para walang gaanong tawag at makatulog ako during shift.

*kapag restday ko kain at tulog lang ang gawa ko sa bahay.Hindi ako tumutulong magbantay ng tindahan ng nanay.

*hindi na ako nakakadalaw sa mga kapatid ko

*gusto ko magfile ng VL every week.

*tinatamad to go out on a date with friends or kahit simpleng paglabas lang ng bahay.

*Sira yung PC ko, pero hindi ko mapagawa.

*matagal ko na balak magpamedical check up pero hindi ko pa rin nagawa.

*I never had the chance to watch a nice movie lately.Hindi ko nga napanood yung Da Vinci Code, MI3 or Xmen 3.May mga friends na naginvite sakin to watch these movies pero hindi ako sumasama.

*Natapos ang American idol at PBB teen Edition nang hindi ko napanood ang kahit isang episode.

*Even sa book, hindi ko matapos tapos yung Da Vinci Code and By the River Piedra I sat Down and wept by paolo Coelho.

Sana, maging productive na uli ang buhay ko.Ayoko na ng ganito.

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