I chanced upon an entry on Myles blog where she was crying her heart out about the direction of her career.I share her sentiments since she is also working in a call center just like me.
At this point in time, I also dunno where am I supposed to go.You can give me a map or a compass but still they will be worthless because I do not know how i will use them.
I wish people can see the bold sign on my face that says : HELP I AM LOST.I am so much confused and uncertain on which way to go.
I am getting old but i still can not figure out how can I overcome my poor sense of direction.
I wish my life is a reality show just like amazing race where route information clues will instruct me where to go next.If I get a detour, I just have to choose just two tasks, each with each pros and cons.I think it is easier to decide if there were few options given.
I can also get a fast forward clue and i will not have to perform the other tasks.
There can be road blocks but still clues will be given.
But life is not a reality show.Or maybe it could be.I was given hints and shortcuts but I ignored them.I felt that I am already eliminated right before I begin the race.
I got so many plans but I dunno how to put them in action.I wish I am a very organized person and knows how to plan my life ahead of time.It is just frustrating to think that the life I have now is not the life that I wanted three years ago.But maybe, just maybe, I was so idealistic then.
I am tired doing the same old routine and going on in circles.I want to try doing something different but I am afraid that I will fail.And if I fail, I do not think I will still have the courage to move on.
I said to myself a lot of times that as long as I am happy with what I am doing I need not to worry about everything including my future.I wanted to live my life doing the things that I really love doing.But am I still happy?I am also not certain about this one.
As time passes, there something or someone trying to convince me that it will be impossible for me to realize my dreams or my destiny.I am slowly lossing faith that all the universe conspires in helping me to achieve what my heart desires.
Enough.I better stop ranting before the list goes on and on.
Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering.