Sunday, September 10, 2006


My life used to be full of insecurities.In grade school, I often get upset with the financial condition of my family.I was studying in a public school.My father was working as a government employee and my mother was a meat vendor.What they were earning were just enough to bring food to the family.We even don't have a television set that time, so in order to watch my favorite cartoon program, I used to go to our neighbor's house.My parents also dont have the luxury to buy me expensive toys that I wanted.I was so envious of my friends who had family computer, bicycle and "game and watch".I was so young and I felt like I can't do anything to improve our situation.My father told me that being educated and smart would make us rich.That's what I kept in mind which motivated me to study hard.I graduated grade school with honors.Unfortunately my father did not see my medals.He died when I was eight.
Life was not easy in highschool.I was not able to see the world clearly, literally speaking.Thanks for having a very poor eye sight.I survived my freshman and sophomore high school days with a need to sit on the floor in front of the front row of the class to get a better view of the writings on the board. I had to copy my lecture from another classmate’s notebook, because even if I sat in front, if the teacher's handwriting was so small, I would really have a hard time deciphering it.It was also difficult for me to grasp the computer lessons and if there were film viewing moments, I have to ask a classmate for help to retell the story.And also because of this poor eyesight, I am often judged as "suplado"or unapproachable.The truth is, it was really difficult for me to recognize someone even if that person is in close proximity because all I can see is blurry profile of the person's face.I struggled a lot like a blind person but my physical defect did not hinder me from achieving my goal.I graduated high school on top of my class.
In college,I developed inferiority complex.I have always been insecured with my classmates who came from private schools, who can afford to hangout and party in gimik places like Malate and Libis,and who gets high grades because they spent a lot in class presentations and projects.I don't have that much friends because I was afraid of rejection.I was realy shy and don't talk that much.In first year,I also felt like although PLM is a good school,I should have went to UP and take the course that I really wanted.I was not proud of my school.I did not tell my high school classmate where I was studying.They thought I went to Up or some prestigious school in Manila.I was also not confident of my physical appearance.I was underweight,I had a lot of pimples.I felt like the clothes I wear were so outdated.I was attacked with insecurities that made me depressed,maybe because I was on my adolescent stage,blame it on the raging hormones.
After I graduated, that's when i realized that I just did not graduated in a so so school.Most of the time my school is being recognized as "scholars paradise".I know its not about the school but the ability of the person that will help him land a job.But I know that owe a lot to my school that I have the skills needed to get the job that I wanted.Honestly I never thought that I will be woking in a call center. I used to think that I will be working as a office staff or programmer in some company in Ortigas or makati.I was thankful for this job, I overome my inferiority complex.I learned to express myself well.I learned to adapt with diverse people on all walks of life.I am still shy sometimes and I still don't talk that much if i don't know the person.But a lot of thinks improved for my own good.In terms of my physical appearance,I am also more confident of myself now.I am no longer wearing glasses but contact lens.I can now afford to go to an expensive to have my haircut and facial.I can now buy the clothes that i want.I can now go to places that I have never been.I could already buy the things that I was deprived when I was a child-I actually bought my own television on my first salary.
Being able to experience these things give me a sense of pride.I was grateful that God first let me suffered in the beginning because he has a purpose of doing that.If He did give me everything, then there's nothing to look forward to.
If I was born from a rich family, may be I would not know the value of hardwork and perseverance.If I have perfect eyesight,maybe I will not have excel with my studies.If I am "very goodlooking" and very smart maybe I would not know how to humble myself and deal with diferent kinds of people since I may think that I am superior just like God.If I did not experience the hardship and the pain of this life, would I realize that I am lucky person because my imperfection as a whole is sole reason why I can be a pefect human created by the supreme being?
I must admit I am still being attacked by insecurities every now and then.But just like what a friend told me there is nothing to prove now and no one to impress.I have no reason to pout on my imperfection now that i realized much has been given to me.Now I can go on with my life with confidence and wihout any disturbance resting on my mind.

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